Thanks to Charlie Smith in the Straight for this pretty much humorous fiction imagining the Satan of Spin giving demonic campaign tips to Vancouver Mayoral candidates. It really is mostly funny, and the product of a wicked imagination.
In a shocking development in the Vancouver civic election, the Straight has learned that the Devil—yes, Lucifer himself—has been secretly offering advice to some of our local mayoral candidates!
A secret source in Hell has provided us with transcripts of several conversations!
Brace yourself: what you’re about to read is going to leave you wondering why you even bother to follow media coverage of this crazy race!
That’s because in politics, things are never as they seem! . . .
Wai: Any other advice?
Devil: Yeah, hit the bike lanes hard. Tell ’em you’re for the people and watch the elites go berserk. Every driver in the city is sick of not being able to turn down certain streets because Gregor’s got religion on cycling.
Wai: Should I run as an independent?
Devil: No, no, no! Create a party. Find a bunch of Christian fanatics that nobody knows to run as council, school board, and park board candidates. Get as many as you can because they’ll sign up their family members and help you raise money. Hell, you might even win the election. From what I’ve been hearing, the rest of the field is pretty weak. If you call it Coalition Vancouver, then some right-wing libertarians will mistakenly see it as a big-tent party.